Here Are Some Questions You Need To Answer Before That Happens.
Breakups are usually the final stages of interacting with a significant other on a close level. It is over, at least most of the time. Sometimes, however, you have exceptions to the rule – sometimes an ex is so significant to you that you find yourself making the decision to have an on-off relationship.
However, making this decision is probably not the wisest you might do, because it can backfire miserably. It can lead to issues with your self-esteem when you do not handle it well, in addition to other effects that may damage your future relationships with other people and leave you cynical.
The good news is you do not have to be a fool, and you can learn from the mistakes of other people (such as a reformed drug addicts from MN recovery village). In order to avoid having to get back with an ex that was not good for you in the first place, there are tough questions you need to ask yourself before consideration of the idea. These can include:
Why did the breakup occur?
Among all the questions you can ask, this is probably the most essential of them all. The answer you get from this will determine whether you can get back together and if the relationship has a realistic chance of succeeding.
If the separation was because of a one-off situation like long-distance, family problems or personal issues that either of you had, or when it was due to a serious situation that was not critical, those issues can be reconciled and you both can forgive each other for these mistakes. An example would be taking each other for granted because you became too comfortable with each other.
If the situation was more serious like constant lying, abuse or continuous infidelity, then that is an issue you might forgive but not be able to forget, and it may be in your best interests to let the person go.
What changes have happened since the split?
First love is not a doomed thing if it does not work out, but something needs to change of you decide to give your relationship another try.
Instances exist where individuals need some time apart so that they know if they can be together. Sometimes this works in your favor, and other times it does not, so you need to keep your mind open for any possibilities. You also need to remember that people do not really change that easily, so that will keep you away from pursuing a relationship with an ex that did not respect you or your personal values clashed from time to time. Save yourself the future heartaches; you would rather be single than spend your time fighting with a significant other because of personal issues.
Was the breakup toxic, and to what extent?
Breakups are painful, regardless of whether you or the other person instigated it. That painful feeling may lead to all sorts of reactions towards each other, and these reactions are unpleasant most of the time – but they reveal the true colors of a person.
Therefore, before you thin of reuniting with this person, it is important to know what you both became once things became sour. That is the best way to figure out the true nature of the person, and whether it is worth it pursuing the relationship even in hard times.
In addition, you may have some resentment towards them, especially if you were bad to each other after the relationship ended, but if you are deciding to reunite you need to let go of any past hurts. Take it as a sign to start things afresh – that is, unless things were so bad that neither of you can let it go.
Make sure this person is in your future
In every serious relationship, you must have a definite answer to the question of whether this person is in your future. That also means you must have similar goals and desires for your future, or else the relationship will not work.
If none of you or only one person answers this question, both of you are setting yourselves for future heartbreak if you decide to go ahead. Part of answering the question is knowing if you just want to be with them because you feel lonely, or if thee intentions are serious – that means rebounds are out of the question.
What about friends and family? What do they think?
When getting back with an ex, most of the time things are going to get serious, so it is important to ask for advice from the people closest to you. Many times, getting back into a relationship is an emotional-led process, meaning you may not see things from a rational perspective. You may feel like this person is good for you, when the logical signs point to them being bad for you.
If the people around you are advising you to leave this person alone, they have likely seen that the relationship you had was unhealthy in some way. Compare this with everyone (or most people) being supportive of your relationship; that is usually a good signal that getting back together is not a bad idea.
Are you sure they are the right person for you?
When you take away many relationship aspects with the person, such as how your life is in the present without them, their character should be in line with what you want in a relationship. Rebounds are very dangerous, because it can make you feel like you need the person, yet you do not.
Finding things you have in common with them is a good place to start – as you have been away from each other, certain things have changed, but their personality should line up with what you desire. This will assist you to analyze quickly whether you really need them in your life, and will help you make a decision as soon as possible.
Final thoughts
Getting into a relationship is a process you must not rush into, especially when it involves an ex-partner. It is important for you to assess whether they are the right person for you, and avoid making mistakes when choosing them.
