There will always be bumps in the road towards a happy, successful, long-term relationship. Sometimes those bumps feel like little pebbles – and sometimes they knock the axle off your wheel. If you’re going through a rough patch, we’ve collected some red flags from top relationship experts to identify the severity (or possible permanence) of your rough patch and help you form better decisions moving forward.
Here are the 23 possible signs that you could be in a loveless relationship. Be honest with yourself and do a rigorous inventory of your emotions. Although this exercise is difficult, it is far, far easier than staying in a relationship where you are putting nothing in and getting nothing out. If you feel like you identify with more than one of them (or several), open a dialogue with your partner, look for a couples counselor, and reach out for additional support:
- You can’t fill the silence.
- You’re preoccupied with other people’s issues.
- You have sex less than once a month.
- You feel antsy.
- You’re pulling away from friends and family.
- Everything your partner does or says annoys you.
- One of you has cheated.
- You’re fantasizing about divorce.
- You can’t remember the last time you had a date night.
- It doesn’t feel fun anymore.
- Only one of you is committed to working on it.
- You keep having the same fight.
- You aren’t fighting anymore.
- You’re close to having an emotional affair.
- You’re experiencing contempt.
- You’re both pointing the finger.
- You can’t stop criticizing.
- You’re both defensive… about everything.
- You can’t focus.
- You’ve stopped making plans.
- You can’t break the narrative.
- You’re fighting in public.
- You feel more like yourself when you’re apart.
If one or more of these red flags felt like they were directed at you, it might be a wise idea to seek help or at the very least, start an honest conversation with your partner. Although this sounds like a sobering prospect, it’s one you must undergo to find out whether or not there is still hope in your marriage. No one deserves to stay in a loveless relationship, certainly not you, and certainly not your partner. Finding out sooner rather than later is the most decent thing to do. If you find it helpful, bring this list to your partner and ask them to flag the ones that they resonate with as well. Then you can start a more specific conversation around the pain points you’re both feeling right now.
